Just Try and Relax

Just Try and Relax . . . the statement seems a bit oxymoronic, doesn't it?  After all, if I'm trying anything, I'm certainly not relaxing, and if I'm relaxing, what could I possibly be trying to do?

And yet, it's what I hear (and tell myself) often as I proceed through this saga of injections, tests and ultrasounds coupled with multiple adoption agency sites full of pictures of babies in  Korea, Thailand, Russia, Bulgaria, and the list goes on . . .  

"Stress doesn't help fertility chances . . . just try and relax."

"Don't think about it anymore . . . just try and relax."

"Open up a bottle of wine and let it happen . . . just try and relax."

The words echo in my mind again and again.

Last night, I read an interesting statement on a fertility doctor's Web site.  The statement basically said that the level of stress in fertility patients is similar to the level of stress cancer patients endure as they go through treatment.  I read another statement posted on a fertility blog in which a contributor wrote that no one would ever tell a patient with a potentially incurable illness, just try and relax.  I am by no means claiming that fertility and cancer issues are the same; however, the stress of visiting doctor after doctor, the frustration with a body that will not perform as designed, and the disappointment (and almost inevitability) of bad news is intense and perhaps slightly comparable.

Because of the high stress level, I realize that I must demand less of myself.  I must allow myself moments to cry, the opportunity to say no to helping with an event, and permission to feel however I happen to feel in that instance.  Otherwise, I will live in constant stress and be forced to keep convincing myself to "just try and relax."