Stress levels

As many of you may know, I enjoy planning my life according to my specifications (aka, I'm a control freak).  Although I've often wondered why God would choose to allow the struggle of infertility for someone like me, I am starting to believe that it is precisely because I long to be in control.  Because with infertility, I have NO control.  None. Nada. Zip. Zero.  Sure, I can choose my doctor and I can choose the procedure, but I have no say in the ultimate results. 

On an earlier blog, I wrote that the level of stress during infertility treatments is similar to the level of stress of someone with cancer or another long-term illness.  I've listed some sources for such information below:

 http://www.drmalpani.com/book/chapter32.html

http://www.integris-health.com/INTEGRIS/en-US/Specialties/FertilityInstitute/YourFertilityJourney/Stress.htm

http://infertility.about.com/od/copingwithinfertility/u/copingstress.htm

Many fertility doctor Web sites provide such interesting and useful information.

I have recently come to accept this level of stress as a reality.  I assumed that because I have a wonderful doctor, a supportive family, kind friends, and viable treatment options, I should be able to "just relax" and enjoy the ride.  But instead, my anxiety has only increased as I've walked further into the world of medical technology.  And you know what?  That's okay.  It's normal, and instead of trying to push aside my questions and concerns with a chipper attitude, I am learning to accept and even embrace the fact that I wish I didn't have to do this, that this was never my ideal or even a happy second-choice, that I long for the outcome all the while hoping I might forgo the physical necessities that provide it.  However, I believe and hope that this is God's plan for us, that He is honored as we walk this difficult road, waiting as He controls the outcome for us.