The New Empowered Me

During my pregnancy, I felt weak and vulnerable. My back ached, my stomach developed indigestion nightly, and I walked (ie: waddled) slower and slower as my belly grew. I knew that in case of emergency, my options would be limited to waddling away as quickly as possible from danger. I would be unable to defend myself and concerned only about protecting the tiny life inside.

Here's me eleven weeks later, and I feel a strange sense of empowerment. Though I'm a self-proclaimed feminists, a few of the 60s generation women had it wrong when they claimed that motherhood somehow weakened the fairer sex even more. Pregnancy, maybe. Motherhood, never.

An example: About a month ago, I had reached the end of one of my many ropes, and I handed Macie to Tim and headed to Jamba Juice, merely for the sake of alone time. I headed to the one closest to home, even though it was dark outside and I've heard that the area is known for occasional drug deals amongst the posh addicts in Houston. When I rolled in, the parking lot was packed with bikers, teens, smokers, chatters--a rather eclectic group.

During pregnancy, this kind of busy, festive atmosphere made me a bit nervous, in part because I felt crappy enough and didn't want to deal with crowds and in part because one just never knows what could happen in a crowded parking lot at night. But on this night, I noticed the shift that motherhood had brought. On this night, I parked close, wound my way directly through the web of people, feeling the entire time as if my invisible super-motherhood cloak kept anyone from bothering me. I'd been to hell and back a few weeks earlier and no one was gonna mess with me, The Mom.

I've experienced this same sensation in a couple of other settings--with and without Macie. I know that realistically, I'm no more invincible than ever. But in semi-threatening situations part of me thinks, "What the heck are you gonna try that will remotely resemble the kind of pain that comes from being cut open without receiving the proper pain meds until hours later? How are you gonna say anything more frustrating than sleepless nights and days in NICU? Can you even begin to understand the fierce protection I feel for my baby--and myself, since I'm not wanting to leave her side anytime soon?" If I encounter anyone stupid enough to try to mess with me (or Macie, God forbid) during a superhuman-mommy moment, good luck to them. I'd just smile and say: Bring it on.